I don't live there anymore.

I just experienced something really unusual. So unusual that I have to write about it. Craving something sweet, my mind began to think about what we might have in the house to eat. My first thought was frosted flakes with milk. Then I recalled (with some actual elation) that there was a bag of candy on top of the refrigerator. I grabbed the bag, sat down in front of the TV, and opened it. Now this was a bag with all kinds of candy – Snickers, Milky Ways, Twix, and other assorted good things that I like to eat. I looked at the candy, totally intending to eat as much as I wanted. Soon there would be a pile of wrappers on the table next to me. I was okay with that. But something inside of me said “no” and without any reaI regret, got up and threw it all away. I have NEVER done that before. Once I get the food in front of me, once I make a mental decision to eat something, that’s it. There’s no going back.

But I don’t live there anymore. Eating that candy would have been the first time I’ve eaten junk food since May 18. For the past three months I have been on a low-carb diet. Somehow, with God’s help I’ve changed my eating habits. I’ve even started going to the gym most days. I never lose weight easily, and in all this time I’ve only lost about 25 pounds. But still, it’s something. And I feel better. I no longer experience the sluggishness that comes from indulging in way too many cookies. Or cupcakes. Or pie. Or ice cream. I almost forget what that sugar rush feels like. The tasting and the eating feel good, but the afterwards... not so good - just regrets.

But I don’t live there anymore. God took me from there to here. It’s a different place. A place I’ve never in my life lived in for more than a few weeks at a time. I’m more than a little afraid that I’ll move back to where I came from. I know my weakness. But today God showed me that there’s a chance I can make it.